It goes without saying that trust is one of the most important components of a healthy relationship. But how many of us can recognize when that trust is at risk? Sure, there are some clear signals. You might experience jealousy. Sometimes, a promise is broken. Examples like this can be serious and must be addressed.
However, there are less obvious issues that can affect trust. Left unidentified, such issues can fester. Perhaps they were festering long before you ever met your partner. Past hurts can play a major but invisible role in shaping your attachment style. It’s time to shift this cycle.
Trust Issues
Some people have a hard time fully trusting others. The causes for this reality could be past events — from childhood to last week. These old wounds must be healed. Until then, they may impact your current relationship.
Meanwhile, you remain unsure of why you’ve been having problems. Therefore, the first step is to do the work to identify and name the underlying causes.
Some Possible Causes Behind Your Trust Issues
Your childhood may have involved experiences like:
Divorce
Alcoholism or substance abuse
Losing a member of your close family
You were adopted
Physical, sexual, or emotional abuse
One or both of your parents neglected or abandoned you
Your parents were not emotionally available
Just as importantly, adulthood may involve cheating and/or being cheated on. You have low self-esteem and a fear of being abandoned. Any of these factors in your past has the power to limit your capacity to trust. These trust issues can doom your relationships.
Thus, the second step is to recognize how your lack of trust is playing out with your current partner.
3 Signs That Your Trust Issues Are Affecting Your Relationship
1. You Fear or Expect the Worst
If you and your partner disagree or argue, it feels to you like the end of the relationship
When you’re not with your partner, you worry they are betraying you or purposely ignoring you
You don’t believe relationships can last so you don’t put in the work to nurture them
You put off your partner’s requests to talk about the future or set goals as a couple
Commitment feels frightening and dangerous
Of course, none of the above have to be conscious acts. But if you pay attention to your partner, you may notice that they’ve grown frustrated with you. This doesn’t automatically mean they want to leave. It could very much mean that they see your patterns better than you do.
2. You Push Away Your Partner With Your Doubts
Your partner may not be giving you any reason to doubt them. But you do. You question them. You stalk their social media accounts. Even the most innocent act makes you suspicious. Before long, this behavior pushes them away.
They have trouble tolerating your need to control. In your mind, this detachment serves to “prove” that your doubt is warranted.
3. You Feel Needy
No matter what your partner does, you still need more reassurance. Neither of you can see that this is due to those old wounds mentioned above. Until and unless both of you recognize this, it’s a recipe for conflict and separation.
Another Set of Eyes
Therapy can help so both of you can have a perspective that isn’t involved in your fight. If you want to find more of my thoughts on marriage and relationships, go to my page on marriage counseling. If you are in Minnesota, I’m here to help. Contact me, let’s talk, and let’s get you both on the same page again. You can call at 612.230.7171, email me through my contact page, or click on the button below to self-schedule a free, 15-minute phone call.