The year is almost over. In a couple of days, the calendar resets and everyone starts talking about fresh starts and new beginnings.
But before you get there, I want you to consider something: Is there something your partner needs to hear from you before this year ends?
Not a resolution. Not a promise about next year. Something about this year—the one you just lived through together.
Maybe it's acknowledgment. Maybe it's appreciation. Maybe it's an apology you've been avoiding. Maybe it's something vulnerable you've been holding back because you weren't sure how to say it.
Whatever it is, the next few days might be the right time to say it.
The Things That Go Unsaid
In the rush of daily life, important things get buried. You mean to say something, but the moment passes. You think your partner already knows how you feel, so you don't bother putting it into words. You assume there will be time later.
And then a year goes by. Maybe more.
Most couples I work with aren't struggling because of one big thing. They're struggling because of an accumulation of small things—moments of disconnection, unspoken hurts, appreciation that was felt but never expressed. Over time, these silences create distance.
The end of the year is a natural pause. A moment to look back before you move forward. Use it.
What Acknowledgment Sounds Like
Your partner carried things this year. Some of it you saw. Some of it you probably didn't.
Maybe they held the family together during a hard season. Maybe they showed up for you when they were running on empty. Maybe they dealt with stress at work, or health issues, or grief—and still tried to be present in your relationship.
Acknowledgment means naming what you saw. Not glossing over it. Not assuming they know you noticed.
"I saw how hard you worked this year to keep everything together. I don't think I told you enough how much that meant to me."
"You carried a lot this year. I know it wasn't easy, and I want you to know I see that."
"There were times I leaned on you more than I should have. Thank you for being there."
These statements don't fix anything. They don't solve problems. But they tell your partner: I see you. What you did mattered. You weren't invisible to me.
That kind of acknowledgment can fill a well that's been slowly draining all year.
What Appreciation Sounds Like
Appreciation is different from acknowledgment. Acknowledgment is about what your partner did. Appreciation is about who they are.
"I'm grateful I get to be with you. Even when things are hard, there's no one I'd rather figure it out with."
"You make me laugh. I don't tell you that enough, but it matters more than you know."
"The way you love our kids—the patience you have, even when you're exhausted—I admire that."
Research on relationships consistently shows that expressing appreciation strengthens the bond between partners. But more than that, it reminds both of you why you're in this together. It's easy to lose sight of that during the grind of a year.
Don't wait for a special occasion. The end of the year is special enough.
What an Apology Sounds Like
Maybe there's something you did this year that hurt your partner. Something you've never fully addressed.
You know the one. It's been sitting between you—maybe acknowledged, maybe not—but never really repaired. Your partner might have stopped bringing it up, but that doesn't mean it's resolved. It might just mean they gave up trying to get you to understand.
Before the year ends, consider offering a real apology. Not the kind that minimizes ("I'm sorry if you felt hurt"). Not the kind that explains away ("I was stressed, you know how work was"). A real one.
"I've been thinking about [what happened]. I know I hurt you, and I don't think I ever really apologized the way you needed. I'm sorry. I wish I had handled it differently."
If you need a framework for how to do this well, I've written about what makes an apology actually land. The short version: focus on their experience, not your reasons. Take responsibility without defending yourself.
An apology offered now—unprompted, before the year turns—carries weight. It says: I've been carrying this too. I didn't forget. And I don't want to bring it into next year without addressing it.
What Vulnerability Sounds Like
Sometimes what your partner needs to hear isn't acknowledgment or appreciation or apology. It's something softer. Something you've been afraid to say because it makes you feel exposed.
"I've been scared this year. Scared I'm not enough for you. Scared we're drifting."
"I miss how close we used to be. I don't know how we got here, but I want to find our way back."
"I love you. I know I don't say it as much as I should, and I don't always show it well. But I do."
This kind of vulnerability is hard. It means letting your partner see the primary emotion—the fear, the longing, the love—instead of the secondary one that's easier to show. But it's often what your partner has been waiting for. The thing that makes them feel like you're still in this, still reaching for them.
How to Start the Conversation
You don't have to make this a big production. You don't need to sit your partner down for a formal talk.
You can say it over coffee. On a walk. In bed before you fall asleep. In the car.
Start simple: "Before the year ends, there's something I want to tell you."
Then say the thing. Don't hedge. Don't bury it in qualifications. Just say it.
And then—this is important—let them respond. Don't rush past the moment. Let it land. Listen to what they say back, even if it's hard to hear. This might open a conversation you've both needed to have.
What If You Don't Know What to Say?
If you're not sure what your partner needs to hear, ask yourself these questions:
What did my partner do this year that I never thanked them for?
What did I do this year that I never apologized for?
What have I felt but never said out loud?
If this were our last week together, what would I regret not telling them?
That last question tends to cut through the noise. It clarifies what actually matters.
Don't Let Another Year Pass
The thing about time is that it moves whether you're ready or not. Another year is about to end. Another year of living alongside this person, for better or worse.
You can let it slip by without saying anything. Most people do. They assume there will be time. They tell themselves their partner already knows.
But words matter. Hearing "I see you" matters. Hearing "I'm sorry" matters. Hearing "I love you and I'm grateful you're in my life" matters—even if your partner technically already knows it.
Don't assume. Say it.
Before the year ends, tell your partner what they need to hear.
If this year revealed cracks in your relationship that you're not sure how to repair, the new year is a good time to get support. Schedule a free consultation to talk about what's going on and whether couples therapy might help.